Seize The Day
by 51Dreaming
Summary: Can Johnny - and his friends - handle a medical problem that comes from nowhere and threatens to change his entire life? Part One of the "Seize" series. All copyrights belong to Mark VII and Universal Studios.


**Seize The Day**

To the elusive and imaginary Dr. Hoffman, who is often heard being paged on Emergency!

**Chapter One**

It was hard returning to work after two weeks' vacation, especially one spent enjoying time with his family. But like it or not, the first shift after the 14 day break had arrived, and Roy DeSoto found himself staring into his locker, trying to mentally switch from vacation mode to work mode.

"Hey DeSoto, welcome back!" Chet Kelly walked into the locker room, munching an apple.

"Hi, Chet."

"How was the vacation?"

"It was great. Took the kids to Disneyland, Knott's Berry Farm...local places."

"Sounds...exciting."

"Well, we'd never been."

"You're kidding."

"No."

"As long as you had a good time. Sure glad you're back, though."

"Thanks."

Chet looked around. "Talk to Gage yet?"

"No, why?"

"Nothing. You're just in for an earful." Chet rolled his eyes and left the locker room.

Mike Stoker and Marco Lopez arrived.

"Roy, welcome back. Good vacation?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Marco."

Stoker put a sympathetic hand on Roy's shoulder. "Just remember...he's had a rough time. But don't let him go on and on."

"Who? Johnny?"

"Yeah."

"Why, what happened? Is he okay?"

"Oh sure, he's...okay..."

The back door to the station slammed and Roy heard the unmistakable sound of Johnny's steps as he rushed across the dayroom. He burst through the door into the locker room. Marco and Mike exchanged glances.

"Roy. You're back."

"Yeah. Good to see you, Johnny. How you been?"

Johnny slammed open his locker and unbuttoned his shirt. "Oh, fine, fine..." He yanked his uniform shirt out of his locker and started dressing.

"Uh...good."

Johnny pulled his jeans off, crumpled them into a ball, and threw them into his locker. "Good vacation?"

"Yeah, we went - "

"You know who my partner was while you were gone? Every shift?"

"Uh, no."

"Brice."

Well, that explained everything. Brice, the obnoxious know-it-all who always went by the book. Even Roy couldn't stand him.

"That's rough, Johnny. But I'm back now, so - " Johnny glared at him. ""No, no, no - you don't know the half of it. I almost killed him!"

"Look, I know. I've had to work with him, too. But it's over."

Johnny slammed his locker shut. "Wait till you see the squad. He rearranged everything!"

"I know Johnny, but - "

Johnny shook a finger in Roy's face. "He even told me how to SLEEP!"

"What?"

"Yeah. Told me not to sleep with my arm across my face because it might fall asleep. 'And then you'll be slower getting into your turnouts in the middle of the night,'" Johnny simpered, imitating Brice's voice.

Roy shook his head. That was a new one.

"Man, you just wouldn't believe it. Next time you go on vacation, I'm coming with you." Johnny slammed his way out of the locker room. Roy stared after him, his mouth open. Then he sighed and finished dressing. Vacation mode was officially over.

Mike and Marco came over to Roy. "Just...don't let him go on and on," Mike advised again. Roy nodded, knowing full well Johnny was going to obsessively talk about Brice until it was all out of his system.

"Roll Call!" Cap's voice rang out from the bay.

**Chapter Two**

It was a relatively quiet morning. Roy and Johnny spent an hour reorganizing the drug box, while Johnny talked incessantly about Brice. Roy couldn't really blame him, but still...it would have been nice to be asked about his vacation. He laughed to himself, wondering when Johnny would realize that he hadn't let his partner get a word in edgewise.

When the squad was back to its normal state, they broke out the polish. Johnny scooped a hunk onto his rag and laughed. "Did you know Brice polishes the chassis? Crawls right under and polishes the chassis."

"No, I never saw him do that. That's a bit over the top."

"Ya think?"

Johnny started in on the hood, while Roy crossed to the back of the squad to work on the rear bumper. Johnny polished a bit harder than usual, grumbling, "Ya know, I like a clean squad as much as the next guy, but..."

"Yeah, I know."

Silence.

Roy worked on the squad for a few moments. Johnny was finally quiet. It was a welcome change. Roy let some minutes pass before he spoke. "So, you wanna hear about Disneyland?"

Silence.

"Johnny?"

Silence.

"Hey Johnny, you there?"

Silence.

Roy walked around to the front of the squad. Johnny was absentmindedly playing with his badge.

"Hey, Junior. Pay attention," Roy laughed. "You're not still obsessing over Brice?"

Johnny started. "Uh, sorry."

"I was trying to tell you about Disneyland."

"Disneyland?"

"Johnny, you gotta let this go."

"Huh?"

"About Brice. I know how you feel, I wanted to strangle him when I had to work with him, but - "

The klaxons sounded.

"Station 51, Station 24, Station 8, assist the police in a sniper attack, 1123 North Waverley. 1-1-2-3 North Waverley, cross street Second Avenue. Police request you enter from the south side. Time out, 10:27."

"Station 51, 10-4, KMG 365." Cap handed the address to Roy, who handed it to Johnny. As they pulled out, Roy remarked, "Some welcome back." Johnny shook his head. "Really."

The engines and squads roared up to the address given by Dispatch. The scene was chaotic. A man was holed up in an apartment building and had opened fire on passersby. Half a dozen people were wounded. The police had managed to move them all behind parked cars. The sniper was still taking shots at anyone within his line of sight.

Roy and Johnny, along with the paramedics from 24 and 8, grabbed their equipment and did a quick triage.

"Rampart Base, this is Rescue Fifty-One..."

"Rampart Base, this is Rescue Twenty-Four..."

"Rampart Base, this is Rescue Eight..."

They worked quickly and expertly, stabilizing the victims. Ambulances arrived on the scene, transporting the most seriously wounded first. The paramedics from 8 and 24 departed, leaving Johnny and Roy with the last victim, a man with a bullet in his knee.

"He's still firing..." Roy glanced in the direction of the sniper. Johnny looked up. "Yeah, you'd think he'd..."

"Think he'd what?"

"Uh..." Johnny stood up. Roy tugged on his arm. "Hey, get down!"

"There's a red tree..."

"What?"

"A red tree...God, I feel awful..." Johnny started walking in the direction of the sniper.

"Johnny! Get the hell back here!" Roy watched in horror as Johnny wandered aimlessly toward the sniper. "Johnny!"

The sniper leaned out the window and raised his gun.

"NO!" Roy ran after Johnny. There was a shot, and the sniper slumped over the window sill.

Roy caught up to Johnny and grabbed his arm. "What the fuck is the matter with you?" Johnny stared at Roy, then wandered back the way he came. He walked past the victim, bounced off the squad, and his knees buckled. He fell to the ground and lay on his back, his arms and legs still moving as though he were walking.

**Chapter Three**

"Johnny? You okay?" Marco was the first to reach Johnny. "Johnny, what's the matter?" Johnny mumbled. He leaned down to listen. "What? Johnny, I can't understand you."

Roy reached Johnny and crouched down to him. "Johnny, what's going on?" Johnny had stopped moving and lay with his eyes closed, unconscious.

"Get me the biophone, drug box, and O2." Marco grabbed the equipment. He set up the O2.

"Rampart Base, this is Rescue Fifty-One."

"Go ahead, Fifty-One."

"Rampart, we have a male, age 26, currently unconscious. Hold for vitals." Marco looked anxiously at Roy. What's the matter with him?"

"I don't know." Roy grabbed the biophone. "Rampart, vitals are: BP, 140/90, pulse 56, respirations sixteen." He gently shook Johnny. "Johnny, wake up." Johnny stirred, opened his eyes and looked around. He pulled the O2 mask off.

"How'd I get here?" He tried to sit up. Roy gently laid him back down. "Stay still, just relax. And keep the O2 mask on." He raised the biophone.

"Rampart, victim has regained consciousness, but is disoriented."

"Fifty-One, do you have any information about what happened before the victim lost consciousness?"

'Affirmative. He, uh..."

"Fifty-One you're breaking up."

"He was hallucinating, walking toward a sniper."

"Repeat, Fifty-One?"

"He was hallucinating and just started walking. Then he had a syncopal episode."

"Fifty-One, check his pupil responses and reflexes."

"Pupils normal and reactive, reflexes sluggish."

"Fifty-One, get him on O2, start an IV with D5W TKO and transport immediately."

"Ten-Four."

Roy grabbed the D5W and checked Johnny's arm for a vein.

"Hey, what're you doing? Cut it out...where's my helmet? I lost my helmet!" Johnny struggled to sit up again, but Marco pushed him back down. "Take it easy."

"But - "

Roy placed a hand on his shoulder. "I've got your helmet. You collapsed, I'm starting an IV."

"Where are we? A park or something? Is it the Fireman's Picnic?"

"Roy glanced at Marco, then smiled at Johnny. "Just relax, Junior."

**Chapter Four**

The victim with the gunshot wound was placed on a stretcher, Johnny in a stokes. They were both loaded into the ambulance.

"Hey Marco, could you bring the squad?"

"Sure, Roy."

"Roy, what's happening? Where are we going?"

"Going to the hospital, Johnny. Just relax."

"What happened?"

"Dunno...you collapsed."

The man with the bullet wound moaned in pain. Roy turned his attention to the victim, then rechecked Johnny. He was fast asleep.

**Chapter Five**

"Let's get his clothes off."

Dixie pulled Johnny's shoes and socks off, worked his arms out of his jacket, and unbuttoned his shirt. Johnny started mumbling.

"Shhh...it's alright, Johnny, it's just Dixie. You're at Rampart."

Johnny opened his eyes.

"Dixie. What're you doing here?" he felt his fly unzip. "Hey, knock it off!" He pushed her hands away. Suddenly, Mike Morton's face was inches from his. He spoke in clipped tones.

"Gage, hold still." He felt his pants slide off.

"What're you DOING? Knock it off!"

"Dixie, be sure to check between his toes." He felt hands on his feet, separating his toes, then inspecting his soles, his inner legs, the insides of his arms, between his fingers. He was so tired, so confused, but one thing was certain - he didn't like being manhandled. He heaved himself up and shook his head.

"I said knock it off, damn it!" He almost fell off the gurney. Morton grabbed his shoulders. "Lemme go!"

"Johnny, calm down. Let them help you."

"Roy? What the hell is going on?"

"Just...let them help."

Morton nodded at Dixie. "Anything?"

"No, Mike. Just the bruising we saw a few days ago when he fell."

"Okay, let's get a gown on him." Dixie worked Johnny's arms into a gown. Roy tied it in the back and helped Johnny lie down again. He covered him with the blanket. "Just...rest."

Morton leaned into his face again. "Okay Gage, what did you use?" Johnny threw Morton a bewildered look. "'Use?' Whadaya mean, 'use?'"

"Did you steal it from the drug box? From the hospital? Or did you buy it on the street?"

"Steal what? What're you talking about?"

"Roy tapped Morton's shoulder. "Doc, you got it wrong. Could we...talk outside?"

"Fine, okay. But I'll be back, Gage. And you'd better open up then." Morton impatiently pushed his way out the door, Roy in hot pursuit. Johnny looked at Dixie.

"Dix...what's happening?" She smiled down at him, but her eyes were worried.

"Just rest, Johnny. We'll help you sort it out.

**Chapter Six**

"Okay DeSoto, what is it?"

"Doc, I don't know what happened to Johnny, but he didn't take anything."

Morton folded his arms across his chest.

"And just how do you know this?"

"Because I know Johnny." Morton laughed and shook his head. "DeSoto, How many stoned kids have you brought in here? And what do their mothers all say? 'Not my kid.'"

"Look, I've been with him since early this morning. And he - "

"What was his behavior like this morning?"

"He was pretty agitated, but that was because - "

"So he was hypomanic, then he became incoherent, hallucinated, and collapsed. I can name half a dozen drugs Gage has access to that cause those symptoms."

Roy flushed with anger. "Look - "

"No, YOU look. You're a personal friend. I appreciate that. But I'm the doctor, I have the training, and right now I'm treating a patient who had a bad trip this morning. Go back to work and let me take care of Johnny." He disappeared into the treatment room.

Marco walked up to Roy. "What the hell was that about?" Roy just shook his head.

"He's wrong, Marco. He's...wrong. I know it."

**Chapter Seven**

"What?"

"There's a Narcotics Anonymous meeting this afternoon down the hall. I'll walk you down there."

"But - "

"Mr. Gage, you're in this hospital to begin the recovery process. And you won't recover unless you deal with your issues head on."

Johnny sighed. It seemed the entire world thought he was an addict. Morton had admitted him for 72 hours against his will, claiming he was a danger to himself. There was nothing he could do except wait out the three days and go home.

"I just wish someone - anyone - would listen to me."

"When you're ready to tell the truth, we'll all be happy to listen." She turned on her heel and abruptly left the room.

Johnny scrunched down in the bed. Fine, he'd sit through the meeting. Not that he had a choice. It was just so unfair.

"Johnny, heard you were admitted. What happened?" Kel Brackett had walked in. Johnny shrugged.

"According to every person in this hospital, I'm some sort of addict. Why don't you just ask them? It's not like anyone is listening to me."

"I am. So, what happened?" Johnny eyed Brackett suspiciously. "You really gonna listen?"

"I'll do my best."

Johnny sighed. "It was like this...we were on a run...I forget why. But we weren't at the station, so we must have been on a run. I remember...this awful feeling came over me..."

"What did it feel like?"

"I can't describe it. And I saw a red tree...like a tree made out of Christmas lights, ya know, all electric and blinking on and off. Didn't matter where I looked...it was there."

"Johnny, hang on one second." Brackett picked up the phone and dialed a number. "Page Dr. Early to Room 307." he hung up the phone and returned to the bed.

"Why'd you page Dr. Early?"

"I want him to hear what happened to you."

"Why, what's going on?"

"Just a consult, relax. So, you saw a red tree. What happened then?"

Johnny thought for a moment. "I, uh, remember getting up...don't know why...Roy was yelling at me...I remember it was hard to breathe...I got this feeling in the pit of my stomach, like something terrible was gonna happen..."

"What then?"

"I don't know. Next thing I knew, I was in ER, and Dr. Morton was lecturing me. He wouldn't listen to me...or Roy...I heard Roy arguing with him. And I didn't like..." He shook his head.

"What didn't you like, John?" Brackett's tone was soft.

"I didn't like...being stripped, being checked for needle marks or whatever they were doing. It's insulting. I'm not a stranger, for God's sake. They should know...you should know...I don't do drugs."

"Okay, Johnny. I hear you."

"It's insulting, that's all..."

Joe Early walked in. "Kel? Johnny, what happened?"

Kel nodded at Johnny. "Johnny, I'd like you to tell Dr. Early exactly what you told me."

Johnny sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. "Look, can I get up? I'm not sick." Dr. Early nodded. "Sure."

"Okay, look...it was like this..." Johnny paused and stared at Dr. Early.

"Johnny?"

"Uh, yeah..." Johnny's eyes grew wide.

Dr. Early placed a hand on Johnny's arm. "What's happening?"

"Your face, it's uh...oh, God..." Johnny turned in a circle, looking behind him, then wandered around the room. "It's happening again..." he mumbled, as he began breathing harder and a look of terror crossed his face. He wandered out of the room and down the hall, Early and Brackett in pursuit. He walked into another patient's room. "Hey!" said the indignant man. "What're you lookin' at?"

Early took Johnny's arm and gently guided him back to his room. Johnny's knees buckled and he collapsed, his arms and legs still moving. Early glanced at Brackett. "We'd better get Hoffman."

**Chapter Eight**

"Johnny, I'm Dr. Hoffman. I'm a neurologist. How are you feeling?"

Johnny opened his eyes and looked around him. He was in bed, the rails drawn up and padded. He was exhausted.

"What's going on?"

Dr. Brackett patted his arm. "You had another episode, Johnny." Johnny's eyes widened in horror. "Oh, no. What did I do?"

"It's all right. You just walked down the hall. Dr. Early guided you back."

Dr. Hoffman pulled up a chair and smiled at Johnny. "Can you remember anything that happened?"

"I, uh..." Johnny looked at the three doctors. "Yeah, I think." He pointed Early and Brackett. "Their faces, they uh...they changed."

"How so?"

Their eyes, their noses, their mouths...they uh...they moved. Like their eyes moved where the mouth goes and the noses moved to the tops of their heads..." He shuddered. "And that awful feeling something terrible was gonna happen...I don't remember anything else."

"Dr. Hoffman nodded. "Johnny I'd like to run some tests...get some bloodwork, a scan, do an EEG. Okay?"

"Doc, what's wrong with me?"

"Let's run the tests, and then we'll talk, okay?"

"Oh, come on...you gotta know something! I have a right to know what you're thinking. This is happening to me, not you!"

"You're right. I tend to forget that at times. Johnny, what you're describing sounds like a type of seizure."

"A seizure? That's crazy."

"Well, it's not a typical seizure. Sounds like a temporal lobe seizure, with hallucinations."

"But - "

"Johnny, that's all I can tell you, until we run some tests. Ambiguity is the name of the game in neurology." He scribbled note in Johnny's chart. "I'm ordering some medication for this evening. It's going to make you real sleepy, so take advantage of that and get a good night's rest." He patted Johnny on the arm and smiled. "Keep your chin up. I'll see you tomorrow."

Drs. Hoffmann, Brackett, and Early left the room, leaving one very bewildered Johnny Gage behind. He picked up the phone and dialed a number.

"Hi Cap, it's John. Yeah, I'm fine...look, can I talk to Roy?" He waited a moment, then he heard Roy's voice on the line.

"Johnny? What's happening?"

"It's okay, Roy. They're not insisting I'm an addict anymore." He chuckled ironically.

"Good! What do they think?"

"Roy, I think they think - "

The klaxons sounded.

"John, gotta go. I'll swing by after shift tomorrow."

Click.

Johnny stared at the receiver. "Roy..." he whispered. "I wanna get outta here."

**Chapter Nine**

"Ouch!"

"Sorry, last one." The EEG technician inserted the last electrode into Johnny's scalp. He taped it down. Okay, we're done. He walked Johnny to an easy chair. "Just sit there and I'll get started."

"How long is this gonna take?"

"Six hours."

"Six HOURS?"

"Yeah. It's gonna get a little boring, but I'll be having you do a few things. Plus, we'll want a sleep reading, so you'll get to take a nap."

"Uh, what if I have to, ya know, pee?"

"Oh, I'll unhook you. Okay, let's get started. I'll be back in a while." The technician left the room.

Johnny sighed and settled in for a boring six hours. Before he knew it however, he was asleep. When he awoke, Roy was in the room.

"Roy! I didn't know I could have visitors!"

"Yeah the technician, he said it was fine. So...how're you doing?"

"Tired. Worried. Trying not to think about it too much." Johnny frowned. "This is just incredible, Roy. One minute I'm fine, and the next minute something is wrong with my brain." Roy's mouth twitched, and Johnny laughed. You know what I mean."

"Yeah, I do." There was an awkward silence.

"So...who's your partner?"

"Brice."

"Yer joking."

"Nope. He talks a lot about you."

"I bet."

"He says you're the best paramedic he's ever worked with."

"Yeah, right."

"Really. Said he wishes he had your instincts...and your ability crawl into tight places."

"No kidding. Brice said that?"

"Yeah. Oh, and you're really annoying."

"Huh. THAT sounds like Brice."

I gotta tell you...we really miss you, Junior."

"I - I don't want to think about it now."

The technician came in.

"How you doing?"

"Okay. Better with a friend here."

"We got a good sleep reading. Now we're going to do a strobe test." He hooked up a light and placed it in front of Johnny's face.

"What's this for?"

"It stresses your brain."

"Uh..."

"It'll be okay. It's a standard test." Johnny glanced at Roy. "Can you stay?"

"Sure, Junior. I'll stay." He looked at the technician. "Is that okay?"

"Sure, but you'll have to leave the room. You can see everything on the monitor." He smiled at Johnny. Just look at the light here while it flashes. Okay, let's go." the technician and Roy left the room to find Chet waiting outside. "I came to see John Gage."

"Sure, after this next test."

Roy and Chet watched the monitor. Johnny drew his hand across his eyes.

"Hey man...is he crying?"

"I dunno, Chet."

The strobe started flashing. Even on the monitor, it was unbearably bright. Johnny sat rigidly, staring into it. The technician pushed various buttons, changing the speed and duration of the strobe. When the test was over, he nodded at Roy and Chet. "Okay, you can go in."

Johnny was still sitting rigidly in the chair, his fingers digging into the armrests.

Chet crouched down next to him. "Hey, man. That was intense. You okay?" Johnny stared at him uncomprehendingly. "I, uh..." He turned, as though trying to look behind him, swung out of the chair, and staggered off, ripping the electrodes out of his scalp.

"Johnny, you okay? Johnny!" Roy and Chet followed Johnny, helpless, as he staggered around the room, then collapsed on the floor. The technician grabbed the phone. "Neurology to EEG lab, stat."

Roy looked up at the technician. "You got O2 here?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Well, get it, damn it!" The technician produced a small tank of O2, just as Dr. Hoffman rushed in. He kneeled on the floor and checked Johnny's pupils. "What portion of the test were you running?

"Strobe."

"The event recorded?"

"Yes."

"Good."

Johnny opened his eyes. "What happened? What're you all lookin' at me for?"

"You're fine, Johnny. You just reacted to the strobe. It's over now." Johnny looked at Roy and Chet, and blushed. Chet smiled. "Hey, man. It's okay."

Dr. Hoffman nodded to the technician. "Let's get a gurney in here. I've got enough data." He patted Johnny on the shoulder. I'm going to have someone take you back to your room, and I'll see you in my office about 2pm.

"What are you doing here? What happened?"

Hoffman looked at Roy and Chet. "Can one of you be there when I talk with him?" They nodded soberly.

Johnny had dropped off to sleep.

**Chapter Ten**

"So the Temporal Lobe is here," Dr. Hoffman pointed at the side of his head, "and that's where the seizures are occurring. The hallucinations come from the visual cortex..." He pointed behind his left ear. That's another issue, which complicates your case, I'm afraid.

Johnny waved his hands impatiently. "Fine, okay. So what do we do? Surgery? How do we cure it?"

"Well, it's not as simple as that, unfortunately."

"Sure it is. Maybe Dr. Early can do it. He can just remove that part of the brain. I wanna talk to him. Now. He's the neurosurgeon."

"Junior, calm down."

"Roy, shut up!"

" shook his head. "Look, maybe in twenty, thirty years, we'll be doing that kind of surgery on a routine basis. But right now it's experimental."

"Fine. Who does it?"

"Johnny...they won't even consider you as a candidate until all other options are exhausted. It doesn't work that way."

"But...it's MY body! And I want to fix this, now!"

"I know. I do, too. So let's talk about your viable options and save the experimental treatments for later."

Johnny made a mental note to visit a medical school library and do his own damn research.

"Fine, okay. What ARE my options?"

"There are a number of very effective medications available, and I'm going to start you on one immediately. Dilantin. I've had many patients do extremely well on it." He wrote out a prescription and handed it to Johnny.

"That's IT?"

"No, that's not it. I want you to track your seizures...what was happening 24 hours before they occurred. It will help you determine your triggers, so you can avoid them. And right now...no flashing lights, don't skip meals, get enough sleep. Take care of yourself. And no driving.

Johnny jumped up and walked to the window. He gazed out of it, blinking rapidly to avoid showing his emotions. "No flashing lights. No squads...and no work."

"Not yet. If you stabilize, I'll fight with everything I've got to help you keep your job."

"Sure. John Gage, the epileptic paramedic." He laughed softly. "Won't that go over great with the Department?" He looked at Roy. "I bet Brice is looking better and better."

"No, he's not. Johnny, can you just do as the doctor says?"

"Oh sure, I'll do it. And I'll sit around waiting to hallucinate again. Maybe I'll walk off a cliff next time, make it real interesting." He looked at Hoffman. "No rock climbing, huh?"

"Not for the moment, no."

"Doc," Roy grimaced. "Aren't you supposed to...report this to the DMV?" Johnny whirled around. "WHAT?"

"Yes, I am. But it's my policy not to." He shook his head. "I'm a bit prejudiced, I must admit. Until people lose their licenses with that first DUI, with that first major heart attack, with that first any-number-of-medical-problems, I refuse to let them single out epileptics." He stood, shook his head, and approached Johnny. "So that means...you do as I say, okay? No driving. Got it?" Johnny turned away. "Okay, okay...got it. I heard you the first time."

"Johnny, would you please sit back down? There's one more thing..."

"Fine." Johnny dropped back into the chair. "No chicks, right?" Dr. Hoffman laughed. "You can date all you'd like. It'll keep your spirits up. I hear you're pretty popular with some of the young ladies here." Johnny grinned. "Well, I don't like to brag, but yeah, I am."

"Good. Wish I could say the same for myself." He smiled and shook his head. "Johnny, you live alone?"

"Yeah. So?"

"Is there someone you could stay with for a few weeks?" Johnny's eyes narrowed. "Oh, I need a babysitter? Great."

"It would be best. Just for now. I can't require it, but that's my recommendation."

Johnny felt the last shreds of independence falling away. No job, no risks, no driving...no life...he felt Roy's hand on his shoulder.

"You're coming home with me."

"You? But - "

"Who else? We're your family. Besides, the kids will be thrilled to have you stay for a few weeks."

"No really, I can't impose."

"It's not an imposition, Junior. Really." Roy studied Johnny's face. "Come on...what's the problem?"

Johnny gazed off at some private vision. "Remember

about a month ago, when I took the kids for the weekend?"

"Remember? The kids are still talking about it. Johnny, they'll be overjoyed to have you stay...Joanne, too." Johnny's face fell.

"Roy, I don't...I don't want the kids to see me like this."

"Like what?"

"Come on...what if I have another..ya know..another...episode?"

Roy spoke softly. "Joanne and I discussed it. One of us will always be there. It'll be fine."

"No. I don't want the kids to..." His head dropped. "I don't want the kids to see me lose control, stumble around, pass out. I don't want to wake up on the floor and see their faces. I can't handle it."

Dr. Hoffman interrupted. "Yes, you can handle it. You can handle people staring, teasing, rejecting you, making fun of you. You can handle it, because you have to. All my patients...they handle it. Your friend and his family are going to support you. Believe me, that's going to be very important. My goal is to have you seizure-free, living a normal life. But it's not going to happen immediately. Got it?"

"Yeah, I got it."

"Anyway, you're gonna have to stay with us, Junior." Roy's eyes twinkled. "No one else would have you. You're too annoying. Brice says so." Despite himself, Johnny laughed.

Author's Note: "Temporal Lobe Seizures" was the acceptable term used in the 1970's. Such seizures are now called "Complex Partial Seizures," when there is a loss of consciousness, and "Simple Partial Seizures" when there is no loss of consciousness.

**Chapter Eleven**

Jenny beamed at Johnny from across the dinner table.

"Uncle Johnny, can I show you my art project after dinner? I won a ribbon for it." Johnny smiled. "Sure, sweetie. I'd love to see it. You won a ribbon? That's incredible!" Chris tugged his arm. "Can you sleep in my room? I gotta bunkbed, ya know."

"Chris," Joanne interrupted quietly. Uncle Johnny is going to sleep downstairs, in the den. Remember we told you that?"

"But why? there's a bed in my room!"

"Joanne glanced at Roy. "He just got out of the hospital and he's too tired to walk the stairs." Chris guffawed. "Uncle Johnny doesn't get tired, Mom. He looks fine to me."

Johnny rose from the table. "Think I'll start clearing." Joanne shook her head. "I'll take care of it, John." But Johnny had already disappeared into the kitchen.

"I'll help." Roy grabbed his plate and followed Johnny. He found him at the sink, staring out the window at the back yard.

"You okay?" Johnny shrugged. "Sure, I'm great. Can't walk up the stairs, can't sleep in Chris's room, can't drive the kids anywhere, can't even be alone with them. You really think they're not going to figure this out? They're bright kids, Roy."

Roy sighed. "Yeah, they are. We'll figure something out. Let Joanne and me handle it."

"Uncle Johnny?" Jenny was in the kitchen holding a large painting. "Can I show you my art project?"

Johnny rook a deep breath and turned to Jenny with a smile. "I been waiting to see it." He held out his hand. Jenny handed the painting to him. "See? That's Daddy. And that's you. And it says, 'Call 911.' It won second place." Johnny's voice shook. This is incredible, Jenny. It really looks like us. I'm real flattered you'd put me in your art project." Jenny smiled.

"Wanna have it?"

"Well sure, but don't your folks want it? It won a prize, after all."

"But I want you to have it."

Johnny crouched down and hugged Jenny. "Jenny, I'd be honored to own this. I'm gonna frame it and hang it in my apartment." Jenny patted Johnny on the head and skipped away. her voice was heard from the living room. "He did so like it! He's gonna hang it up at his house!"

Johnny stood and looked at Roy, tears glistening in his eyes. "I love those kids. Makes me want to run right out and start a family." Roy laughed. "Before you do, spend three straight nights here when they both have stomach flu. Get a real accurate picture of parenthood."

Chris poked his head into the kitchen. "Hey, Uncle Johnny, wanna play super heroes?"

"Got any new ones?"

"Yeah! Got a new Spider Man, and a couple of GI Joes! Ya coming?"

"New Spider Man? I'm there!" Johnny disappeared into the living room, running into Joanne as he loped through the doorway. "Joanne, sorry. Great dinner." Joanne laughed. "Play nice."

Roy held out his arms to Joanne. She threw her arms around him and hugged him tight. For a moment, neither spoke. Then Roy kissed her. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"He's still Johnny, isn't he?"

"He sure is. We always wondered what it would be like to have three kids...now we'll have a chance to find out."

Voices drifted in from the living room.

"Spider Man is my favorite, you know."

"Uncle Johnny...can I have him back, now?"

**Chapter Twelve**

The doorbell rang. Roy opened the door as Cap, Chet, and Mike arrived, bearing cards, poker chips, and beer.

"Gage! How're ya doing, buddy?"

"Okay, Chet. I guess. Glad to see you."

I'm gonna clean you out, Gage."

"Huh. Not a chance."

"Johnny, How are you?"

"Okay Cap, you?"

"Good, good."

Mike ducked his head. "Uh, hi."

"Hi, Mike."

There was an awkward silence.

"Look, could we just...play poker, maybe?"

"Sure, John." Cap grabbed a chair. "Who's gonna deal first?"

"Wait, Marco isn't here."

"Hey, ya snooze ya lose, that's what I say." Chet sat down and opened a beer. There was a nod of assent as Roy, Mike and Johnny sat down and the first hand was dealt.

"I'll open for fifty cents."

The phone rang. Joanne's voice was heard answering it in the kitchen.

"Fifty cents, Stoker? You piker..."

Joanne poked her head into the living room. "Honey, it's for you."

"Okay. Johnny, would ya play my hand for me?" Roy handed his cards to Johnny and disappeared into the kitchen. The game continued until the volume of Roy's voice rose.

"No, you can't just not show up. Because he's your friend and he needs you, that's why. Look, I don't care how nervous he makes you. How nervous do you think HE is? He's the one who - oh, that's just stupid. Whadaya want me to tell him? Hell no, I'm not gonna say that. Well, you come here and say it to his face, then. Fine, screw you too, asshole!" The receiver was slammed.

Roy returned to the living room. "Marco, he uh, can't make it. Something came up." Chet shook his head angrily. "Fine, screw him. I'll see that dollar and raise you a dollar, Gage." Johnny stared down at the table. Chet tapped him on the shoulder. "Gage? A dollar to stay in, buddy. What'll it be?"

"I, uh..." Johnny looked around the table. "I, uh, fold. Excuse me." He rose and walked into the kitchen, saw Joanne, and blushed. "Sorry, I'll just uh..." he turned to leave. Joanne caught his arm. "No, sweetie. Wait." Johnny gazed at the wall behind Joanne. "The Doc...he warned me this would happen." He shook his head. I didn't believe it. It's like...being punished for something I can't help, ya know?" A tear slipped down his face.

"I know. When my Dad got cancer...he lost friends, too."

"But...WHY?"

"People don't like being reminded of things that scare them, of their own frailty, I suppose."

"Marco and I...we were pretty tight, ya know..."

Roy stuck his head in the kitchen. "Johnny? You okay?"

"He's fine. Go back and play poker, Johnny. Go on." Joanne gave Johnny a gentle shove. "Go on..." Johnny reluctantly brushed past Roy and returned to the game. Joanne shrugged at Roy. "It happens, hon. He's going to have to get used to it."

**Chapter Thirteen**

"Johnny, you okay?" Roy heard Johnny pacing and muttering to himself in the den. "Johnny?" He started to open the door.

"Don't open the door!"

"What's going on?"

"Were the kids vaccinated for Rubella?"

"What?"

"The kids. Were they vaccinated?"

"Of course. Johnny - "

"You and Joanne...you had it?"

"Yeah...Johnny...come on..."

"Okay, come in."

Roy opened the door. Johnny was standing in front of him, dressed in his boxers. His entire body was covered in a rash.

"Oh, my God."

"This is Rubella, right?"

"It sure is."

"Great, just what I need."

"Well, let's have a doc take a look at you. Get dressed."

"Fine. My first outting in two weeks. Great."

Roy ushered Johnny into Rampart and down the hall to Dixie. "Hey, Johnny!" Her eyes widened when she saw the rash. "You've got Rubella."

"I know."

"Well, let's have a doctor take a look." She led Johnny and Roy into a treatment room, handed Johnny a gown, and closed the door.

"Didn't you have Rubella as a kid?"

"Apparently not, genius."

"Hey, don't snap at me."

"Look, just - "

"the door opened and Brackett walked in. "Johnny? Dix says you have Rubella. Let's take a look." He checked the rash, looked at Johnny's chart, then left.

Johnny eyed Roy. "Probably gone to get Morton to confirm the obvious."

Dr. Hoffman walked in. "Hey, Johnny. Can I see that rash?"

"Sure, why not?" Johnny rolled his eyes. "Rubella is now a neurological disorder?"

shook his head. "No, but you don't have Rubella. You're allergic to Dilantin."

"WHAT?"

"It happens. I'm just going to switch you to another medication." He wrote out a new prescription and handed it to Johnny. Johnny shook his head and frowned.

"So I'm starting from scratch again? What if this one doesn't work? We just keep going from medication to medication?"

"Yes. Look, there are about a dozen medications, and an endless number of combinations. We have to keep trying until we find what works for you. You may need more than one drug. It's going to take time, perhaps a long time. All I can do is make educated guesses."

Johnny jumped up and started pacing. He stopped in front of Dr. Hoffman and glared at him, his voice rising to a shriek.

"But I don't HAVE a long time! Every day I sit around doing nothing, waiting to seize, not working, is another day of life I've lost. And I don't get those days back!" Johnny's eyes spilled over with tears. "I want those days...all of them...I want them..."

"Johnny, take it easy."

"Don't tell me to take it easy! I want my life back, damn it!" Dr. Hoffman grabbed Johnny's shoulders and stared into his eyes.

"You have to understand something right now. There is no simple answer to this problem. You want those days back, take them. Get angry, stay angry. But stop sitting on your ass doing nothing, waiting for a drug or a surgery to make your seizures disappear. I told you to stay with a friend, eat right, get enough rest, avoid flashing lights, not hide out in his house. Live your life, with or without seizures."

"But I - "

"No 'buts.' I don't want to hear 'em."

Johnny took a deep, shuddering breath. "I - I don't know what to do."

"Get out of the damn house, John. If you seize, you seize. If people stare and laugh...tell 'em to go to hell." He paused, his voice lowered. "And if the police pick you up, call me...or Brackett...or Early." he gave Johnny a gentle hug. "I'm going to fight for your health. You fight for your human dignity." Dr. Hoffman smiled at Roy. "Some impatient friend you have here. Good for him." He left the room.

Johnny looked at Roy. Roy shrugged his shoulders.

"So...you want to go somewhere before we go home? Just to see what happens?"

"Yeah..."

"How about we grab some lunch, get a burger?"

"No...I wanna go...to my apartment. Make sure everything is okay. Pick up a few things."

"Johnny, you can't. It's one flight up, no elevator."

"Roy, please."

"No...start slow...let me buy you lunch."

"Johnny shook his head and left the treatment room. He strode to Dixie's station. "Dix, can you call me a cab?"

"Uh, sure." she picked up the phone.

"Tell them to pick me up out back. He walked toward the Emergency entrance. Roy ran after him. He caught up with him outside.

"Johnny, how about we - "

"Roy, fuck off."

Roy sighed. "Okay, I'll take you to your apartment.

**Chapter Fourteen**

Johnny opened the door to his apartment. He stepped inside and looked around. Roy followed him in, closed the door and waited.

"Feels like a year since I've been here." He walked into the bedroom and laughed. "Forgot to make the bed." He stretched out and closed his eyes.

"So, what did you want to pick up? Joanne is expecting us, we gotta get a move on."

Johnny sat up, patted the mattress, and smiled. He walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. "Oh, shit...He started tossing moldy food.

"Johnny..."

"In a minute." Johnny closed the fridge, left the kitchen and walked into the bathroom. He picked a towel up off the floor and tossed it in the hamper. He paused at the mirror and looked at Roy's reflection behind him.

"Listen, Roy..."

"No."

"What?"

"You're not staying here. It's not safe."

"Roy - "

"No. You're one flight up, there's no one to check on you, too many things could happen."

"But - "

"You could set the place on fire, you could fall and hit your head..."

"I know, but..."

"You could drown in the bathtub."

"Yeah, I get your point. I'm staying anyway."

"No, you're not."

"Roy...you're not my father."

"I know. But someone needs to look after you. What if...what if..."

"Roy, would you shut up and listen?"

"Roy turned abruptly and left the bathroom. Johnny followed him into the living room.

"Roy, come on, sit down." Johnny dropped onto the sofa. Roy stood, his arms folded, frowning down at him.

"You...remember that kid we rescued from the underpinnings of that bridge? We had to climb a rope to get to him. What was it...five or six stories up?"

"Yeah. The epileptic kid. I remember. He seized before you could get the belt on him. You were yelling at me to lower you to the ground before you dropped him."

"Yeah."

"I don't get your point. You want me to leave you here, like that kid?"

"No, I - "

"You know, he shouldn't have been running around without anyone supervising him. What if - "

"Roy," Johnny said softly, "I thought that, too. But now...I admire him...and his folks. He just wanted to live his life, do his own thing, be...like the other kids. That's what I want. I wanna..." He laughed. "Be like the other kids. That's why I'm staying here."

Roy shook his head. "Bad idea."

"Maybe. But it's my bad idea. I'd rather be wrong on my terms than right on everyone else's. So...I'm staying here. You can take the keys to the Rover. I'll walk, take the bus. I'll sit on my butt and scoot up and down the stairs if I have to. But I'm staying home. I want my life back. This is a start."

"Roy sighed. "Okay. Doesn't mean I'm not gonna worry about you. I'll be up nights, you know I will."

"Yeah, you probably will."

Roy shook his head, then smiled at Johnny. Anything you need, though...just ask...okay?"

"There is one thing..."

"Sure, Junior. You name it."

"Could you bring me Jenny's painting? I wanna put it up over the sofa."

"I'll bring it over this evening."

"Why don't you, uh...wait until tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow? But - "

"I'd kinda like to be on my own tonight. No interruptions. You understand."

"No, I don't. But if that's what you want...okay. I got shift in the morning. Joanne can drop it off."

"Great. It'll give me a chance to thank her."

"No sweat. Well, I'll be running along, then..." Roy opened the door.

"Wait." Johnny picked up the keys to the Rover and handed them to Roy. "Here. I'm too tempted. You keep 'em for me."

Roy turned the keys over in his hand. His voice shook. "Don't uh...break in with a coat hanger and hot wire it, okay?"

"I wouldn't do that."

"That's just the kind of stupid thing you WOULD do..."

"I won't. Promise." Johnny opened the door. "Hug the kids for me."

"I will. Johnny, you'll be careful when you - "

"Yes, Roy. Have a good shift. Later, Pally."

The door closed.

Johnny sat back down on the sofa for a few minutes, savoring the feeling of being home...on his own...free. He pulled a piece of paper from his pocket, picked up the phone and dialed a number.

"Hey Laurie, it's John Gage. Yeah, I'm okay. Listen, remember you said you'd see me after I was discharged? I was wondering if you'd like to come to my place for dinner tonight. What?" He laughed. "Well, I can't guarantee I won't have a seizure with such a pretty girl in my apartment, but I'm willing to take that risk." A grin spread across his face. "Great. I'll see you then. Bye." He replaced the receiver.

"A gorgeous neurology nurse who likes injured firemen. Eat your heart out, Chet."

**Chapter Fifteen**

"Joanne?" Roy walked into the house, hung up his jacket, and listened to the silence.

"In the den, hon."

Joanne was straightening up the den, preparing to take care of a Rubella stricken Johnny. Roy leaned on the doorjamb and shook his head.

"Roy? What's wrong? They didn't admit him again? I can take care of him."

"No, he's fine. It's not Rubella. He was allergic to his medication. The doc wrote him a new prescription." Joanne shook her head. "I don't know whether that's good or bad news." She gave Roy a kiss on the cheek. You fellas want lunch? I can - "

"Joanne...Johnny went home."

"Home?"

"The doc told him to get off his...behind...and do something. So he decided to go home."

"But - "

"I know. I couldn't talk him out of it." Roy brushed the hair off Joanne's forehead and smiled. "I could use that lunch." He took her hand and they walked into the kitchen. Joanne opened the fridge and pulled out some leftovers. "This okay?"

"Sure, fine."

Roy sat at the table, Joanne started to heat up the food. They were silent, both lost in their thoughts. Joanne placed a plate of food in front of Roy. He smiled his thanks.

"It's good to be independent, I guess."

"Yes. And Johnny is very independent."

"And stubborn." Joanne laughed.

"He is that."

"I just keep thinking of all these "what ifs." A million things could happen. He could break a leg, ya know." Roy stared down at his plate. He felt Joanne's hand on his arm.

"Better a broken leg than a broken heart."

**Chapter Sixteen**

The back door to Station 51 flew open and Johnny burst into the dayroom.

"Hey! Anybody home?"

"Johnny!" Roy, Chet, Cap and Mike jumped up from the lunch table. Brice raised a hand. "Gage. Good to see you." Marco left the dayroom, headed toward the dorm. Johnny accepted the handshakes, the pats on the back, returning each greeting with a smile that lit up the room.

"Hey Johnny, wanna stay for lunch?"

"Yeah, Pal. Sit down and visit."

"That's why I'm here...but uh...excuse me for a minute..." Johnny took off for the dorm. The guys eyed each other. Their relationship with Marco had been strained ever since that day he refused to see Johnny. Hopefully Johnny wouldn't lay into him too badly, even though he deserved it.

"Marco?" Johnny stuck his head in the dorm. Marco was sitting on his bed, his head bowed. "Hey man, how ya doing?"

"I'm okay. You?"

"Okay." Johnny approached Marco. "Marco...did I...do something? I mean, why ya angry at me, Pal?"

Marco shook his head. "I'm not angry at you."

"Huh. Coulda fooled me." Marco shrugged. "Can I sit down?" Marco shrugged again. Johnny plunked himself down next to Marco and both men stared off into space, carefully not looking at each other.

"Ya know...the doc said I might lose some friends. Said it happens with seizure disorders. I just...never thought I would lose you. I thought we were solid, ya know."

Marco shifted uncomfortably. Johnny sighed. "I just wish...I wish I knew WHY...I'm still ME, ya know...

"Yeah, you're still you."

"Marco...I gotta know...what's the problem? I won't ask you again...I just gotta know...why...I think you owe me that."

Marco took a deep breath. "I had a cousin...Amelia...she was five years old...her family lived with us one summer when I was twelve. She had epilepsy."

"Wow, five years old. That's rough, man."

"Yeah, she had these convulsive seizures. They were awful. All summer, watching her have seizures every day...it was hard, ya know."

"Yeah, musta been. But - " Marco raised a hand.

"One day, my mom and her mom went out...shopping, I guess. They told me to watch her."

"Uh huh."

"So of course, she had a seizure."

"Okay, I get your point. You just don't want to see any more seizures." Marco shook his head.

"No, it's not that. Amelia...she had a seizure...then another...then another...and another...they wouldn't stop. I was only twelve...I didn't know what to do..." He paused.

Johnny tried to picture a twelve year old Marco, watching his cousin suffer. He shook his head.

"I can't even imagine it. Musta been terrifying."

Marco's voice trembled. "Amelia, she uh...she vomited and choked...I didn't know what to do...she died...in my arms...because I didn't know what to do..."

"Johnny's eyes filled with tears. "Oh, man. Marco, I'm sorry."

"I kinda know what to do now, I mean, I know to roll a person on his side, I know to..." he laughed uncomfortably..."call the paramedics. I thought I had dealt with it, ya know. We see people have seizures out in the field. But you...you're a friend."

"Marco - "

"I don't want you to die, Johnny. Not like that. Not like my cousin..." His voice trailed off.

Marco and Johnny sat in silence. Finally, Johnny spoke. "I was thinking of having another poker game soon. Will you come?"

"Johnny, I - "

"Marco, please. I need your friendship. Please." Marco took a deep breath.

"Yeah, I'll come."

"Good." Johnny stood and smiled. Let's go eat, I'm starving. Who cooked?"

"Me. Enchiladas."

"Enchiladas? Come on, before they're gone!" Johnny ran from the dorm. Marco laughed and followed Johnny to the dayroom.

**Chapter Seventeen**

"Yeah, it was real incredible." Johnny shoved another fork full of enchilada in his mouth and kept talking. "So the state's been leaning on L.A. County to hire more minorities...anti discrimination stuff, ya know. The county gets more money from the state that way. Turns out I fit two categories. Racial minority and handicapped. Double points." He paused. "Hey, any beans left?"

Cap passed the beans. Johnny dumped a portion onto his plate.

"Well? What happened, Gage?" Chet asked impatiently.

"They hired me." He grinned triumphantly and kept eating. The guys looked at each other, then said in unison, "Doing WHAT?"

Johnny shoveled beans into his mouth. "Oh. Payroll."

Mike snickered. "Payroll? You're gonna issue our paychecks?"

Johnny swallowed, shoveled another forkful of beans into his mouth and shook his head. "Well, not me personally...I'm really a supervisor."

Chet guffawed. "You're a supervisor? What qualifies you to be a supervisor?" Johnny shrugged. "I dunno. I guess they just figured...if I could handle being a paramedic, I could sit at a desk and shove papers around all day." Chet shook his head. "Sounds real...exciting, Gage."

Johnny grinned. It pays, uh...twice as much as a hose jockey makes."

Cap sputtered. "Twice as much? How'd you swing that?"

"I dunno. That's what it pays." He grew serious. "It's boring. I'll probably get soft and fat. But I'm employed. If I go six months seizure free, I'm gonna be able to drive again. One year, and I'm gonna request a hearing to be reinstated as a paramedic.

Marco smiled. "So what date are you aiming for?"

"One year from today."

"But - "

"I had a seizure this morning."

"Johnny, I'm sorry, man." Johnny shrugged. "One year from today. And I'll expect you all at that hearing. Even you, Brice."

"Well, the regulations state that - "

"Even you."

"Sure, Gage. I'll be there."

Johnny rose and looked at his friends. "Well, gotta go catch a bus. Walk me out, Roy?"

"Sure, Junior."

Roy and Johnny walked into the bay. They paused to look at the squad. Johnny leaned in and patted the shotgun seat. "I'll be back." He looked at Roy's face, eyes filled with tears. "Hey, cheer up. I said I'd be back." Roy swallowed hard and nodded. They walked out to the sidewalk in front of Station 51 and turned to look at the building. Johnny sighed.

"Johnny...would you like to come have dinner with us Friday night? The kids and Joanne really miss you."

"Friday? Sorry, got a date. Incredible nurse. Laurie. Met her at the hospital, and well, ya know what I mean?" Johnny grinned. Roy laughed. He hadn't seen that gleam in Johnny's eyes for a long time.

"Okay, I get the picture. How about Saturday?"

"Well, it depends on how things go on Friday..."

"Johnny...Chris has a new Spider Man action figure."

"New Spider Man? Oh. Well. I'll be there, then." He shook Roy's hand. See ya Saturday, Pally."

"See ya, Junior."

Johnny took off at a run to catch the bus. Roy watched him lope down the street and turn the corner. He smiled, walked back into the bay, and closed the bay door.

**THE END**

For more information on epilepsy, please visit .com


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